I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
