Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
