Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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