Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
