I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
