doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
