nut hugger
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
