Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
