On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
