I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
