yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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