Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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