your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
