I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
