i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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