could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
