I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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