So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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