Me too!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
