I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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