Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
