Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
