You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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