"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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