we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize