YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
