This girl is more easily done than said...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
