I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
