Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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