I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
