I didn't shave. On purpose
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
