I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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