in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
