My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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