today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
