never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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