i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm really busy with my period
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