We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
