I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
