I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
