I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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