oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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