Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
