how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
