I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
