Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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