i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
