Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
