I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
