he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
