woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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