We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
