My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
