Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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