i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
