He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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