Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize