i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
