hotel room ftw
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
