I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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