No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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