you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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