After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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