ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
