The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
