he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
