HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
