you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
