we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
