Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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