Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
