she was so not down for the gang bang
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
