walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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