yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
