I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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