If i come over, it means nothing
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
